THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING PRINCESS
by: Mette Ivie Harrison
and Faith
Act One
Scene One: Entry to Throne Room
(Beatrice on stage, Cait off to the side, sitting with a book.)
Beatrice (speaking to the audience): I hate being the oldest of ten princesses. There is nothing worse. I have to keep track of them all the time. And I always have to be a good example. Which makes them all hate me. They even call me bossy, can you believe that?
(Alexandra walks on with magnifying glass)
Beatrice: Alexandra, will you please put down that magnifying glass! We need to go in to the throne room. Mother and Daddy are waiting for us.
Alexandra: But I’m just about to find out who stole the cookies. (Crumbs on floor lead to throne room)
(Sophia and Rosepetal walk on together)
Beatrice: Sophia, please stop coughing. How can I hear anything about the prince of Serena with all that noise? Do you want me to marry someone I’ve never heard anything about?
Sophia: (coughing) I can’t help it.
Beatrice: Cait, where are you! She is always lost in a book.
Beatrice: Rosepetal, your gown is a disaster! What have you been doing all morning?
Rosepetal (holding a paintbrush): I’ve been painting, of course.
Beatrice: Well, keep that paintbrush away from me. I don’t want to get messy.
Rosepetal: You wouldn’t get messy. I could make you look beautiful. Just like a painting.
Beatrice: No thanks. Cait, Cait! Come out, come out wherever you are!
(
Beatrice:
Beatrice: Being a princess is more important than dancing, you know.
Beatrice: You’re going to make me dizzy watching you go in circles like that.
Beatrice: Stop that! You’re going to hurt yourself jumping around like that.
Isabella: Singing is more important than dacing, right, Beatrice? (Sings in an operatic style, hands held cupped in front of her).
Beatrice: Isabella, please stop singing!
Isabella: You always take her side, Beatrice.
Beatrice: I do not. I
just told
(
Beatrice: Look where you’re going,
Beatrice:
Beatrice: But where? Cait, Cait, where are you?
(Katherine enters, moves to the front of the stage with a stuffed mouse in her pocket)
Katherine: (Bending over to see second stuffed mouse) Nice little mousy gentleman. Here is a nice little mousy lady just for you. There, now scurry off before Beatrice sees you, and make a happy mousy family.
Beatrice: Katherine, what are you doing on the floor? Stand up.
Katherine: I didn’t think you’d notice me. No one ever notices me.
Beatrice: (already turned away while Katherine speaks) Where is Mary?
Mary: (comes running in, breathing hard, wearing running outfit instead of the gowns of the other girls) I’m here. I’m here! I ran all twelve staircases in thirteen minutes. That’s my best time ever!
Beatrice (counting princess): One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine (to herself). Cait is still missing. Cait!
Katherine (finds Cait): Beatrice, I found her!
Cait (puts down the book): Oh, were you looking for me?
Beatrice: Yes, I was looking for you. Mother and Daddy are waiting for us in the throne room. They have important messages to deliver to us.
Cait: Hmm, well you should write that down and then I’d remember it.
(Beatrice fumes and gets the other nine princesses off stage, toward the throne room.)
Scene Two: Throne Room
(King Cooper and Queen Courtney sit in their thrones.)
(Alexandra follows the cookies to King Cooper, and he has a cookie in his pocket, which he offers to Alexandra.)
Beatrice: Quiet. Everyone please be quiet.
King Cooper: Beatrice, we have important news for you.
Queen Courtney: It’s about the prince of Serena. He and his parents are arriving in three days’ time to meet and talk to you. If you marry him, our two kingdoms will be one and we won’t have to worry about another war like the last one.
Beatrice (fluffing her hair): But Mother, what will I wear?
Queen Courtney: Good question, dear. We’ll need to have the seamstress start working on new gowns for you right away.
King Cooper: I’m not made of gold, you know. I can’t afford a new gown every day and you got two new gowns only last week.
Beatrice: Do you want me to meet the man I’m going to marry in this old thing? (Lifts her gown)
King Cooper: It looks fine to me.
Beatrice: It’s been out of style for weeks, Daddy!
(King Cooper looks at Queen Courtney)
Queen Courtney: Well, it’s true. And you don’t want the king and queen of Serena to think that you don’t have any taste, do you? We need to impress them or they might marry their son to someone else.
King Cooper: I suppose you’re right. (He gets out a coin purse and hands out some gold coins)
Katherine: What about me? I want a new gown!
(King Cooper ignores her.)
Mary: I need new running shoes!
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin)
Alexandra: I need a new magnifying glass. This one is so blurry I can hardly see a thing.
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
Cait: I want new books for the royal library.
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
Isabella: I need a new voice teacher.
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
Rosepetal: I need a new paintbrush and canvas.
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
Sophia (sneezes): I need medicine.
(King Cooper gives her a gold coin; she leaves)
Katherine: What about me?
King Cooper (holds purse up—empty): I’m sorry. There’s nothing left.
Katherine: That’s the way it always is!
Queen Courtney: Beatrice, I have a portrait of the prince right here. He’s quite handsome, by all accounts, Prince Quinton is.
Beatrice: Ooh! I want to see it!
King Cooper: I’d better go raise taxes. (Leaves the room)
(Katherine left alone, sighs)
Katherine: No one ever listens to me.
Scene Three: Throne Room
Katherine: I hate being the youngest of ten princesses! I never get new gowns, only hand-me-downs. I don’t even think anyone remembers my name.
Maid (walks in, dusting right into Katherine): Excuse me, I didn’t see you there.
Katherine: Am I invisible or something?
Maid (busy dusting): What was that?
Katherine: People notice my sisters. Why don’t they notice me?
Maid: Which one are you, anyway?
Katherine: I’m Katherine! I’m the youngest, not that it matters.
Maid: Oh, yes. Cait. If you’ll excuse me. (Begins dusting again)
Katherine: Katherine! Katherine! Katherine! Not Cait! Katherine.
Maid (Curtsies): I’m very sorry. Princess Cait.
Katherine (sighs and looks at the audience): You see how it
is for the youngest of ten princesses?
Not even the maids think I’m important.
Beatrice is going to marry a prince.
And Alexandra is always finding things.
Cait has read every book in the royal library twice. Isabella sings like a nightingale.
(Katherine starts to leave, but bumps into Lady Jenna.)
Lady Jenna: Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.
Katherine (mumbling): That figures.
Lady Jenna: Now which princess are you?
Katherine: Never mind. It isn’t going to matter by this time tomorrow anyway.
Lady Jenna: Oh, well. Whatever do you mean?
Katherine: I mean I’m not going to be here much longer.
Lady Jenna: Are you the princess who is marrying the prince of Serena?
Katherine (look thoughtful): Maybe I am. What can you tell me about Serena? How far away is it?
Lady Jenna: Are you worried about how far you’ll be from your mother and father and your other sisters when you are married?
Katherine: Something like that.
Lady Jenna: Well, no need to worry. It’s less than a day’s carriage ride. Only sixteen miles if you go due north. (Points north) I’m sure you will have many visitors. And I think it is a wonderful thing you’re doing, marrying a man you’ve never met for the sake of the kingdom. But that is what princesses do, isn’t it? They think of other people first. (Pats Katherine on the head.)
Katherine: North for sixteen miles? Is it all the same road?
Lady Jenna: There is a fork in the road four miles to the north. You have to take the left fork to go to Serena. And then cross two bridges. And through the forest.
Katherine (leaving): Thank you so much!
Lady Jenna: She is so young to be getting married. Perhaps I should talk to her parents about that.
Scene Four: Kitchen
Cook (to serving boy): Take this bread to the dining room. It’s nearly time for lunch.
Serving boy: Yes, Mistress Cook. (Takes several loaves of bread and leaves).
Katherine (stops serving boy and grabs one loaf of bread): You don’t mind if I take this now, do you?
Serving boy: No, Princess. (Bows).
Katherine (looks at the audience): Do you think he knows my name? (Turns to serving boy?) How about it? Do you know which princess I am?
Serving boy: I can’t tell you princesses apart. There are ten of you.
Katherine: Well, soon enough there will only be nine.
(Serving boy shrugs and goes on his way.)
Cook: You there! What are you doing stealing food from the kitchen?
Katherine: I’m Princess Katherine. I’m going on a picnic and I came to see what I could bring.
Cook: A picnic? No one told me about any picnic? How many do you need to serve?
Katherine: Oh, eight should be about right.
Cook: Are all the princesses going?
Katherine: No, just me and a few of my invisible friends.
Cook: Invisible friends? What is this world coming to?
Katherine: Can I get some fruit? And meat?
Cook: If you insist.
Katherine: Thank you. (Leaves)
Scene Five: Katherine’s Royal Bedroom
Katherine (To Teddy Bear): Goodbye Lord Snuggles. I’ll miss you! I’m going to Serena, where people will appreciate me. You’ll stay here with Mother and Daddy and all my sisters. I’m sure they’ll take good care of you.
(Puts Teddy Bear down and starts to cry).
Katherine (Picks Teddy Bear back up): Oh, I can’t do it. What if they all ignore you, just like they ignored me? I have to take you with me! You understand, don’t you?
Katherine (Speaking for Lord Snuggles, who is nodding his head): I understand, Katherine.
Katherine: It might be dangerous. It’s a long journey, but at least we’ll be together. I promise I won’t ignore or forget about you, not even one time. Are you ready?
Katherine (speaking for Lord Snuggles again): I’m ready, Katherine. I’ll be brave for you!
Katherine: I’m forgetting something. I know I’m forgetting something. I have food in my knapsack and my best friend Lord Snuggles. What could I be forgetting?
(Looks all over the room.)
Katherine: I know what I forgot! A proper pair of shoes. I can’t be a princess without a pair of glass slippers. No one will know who I am. Where are my glass slippers. (Bends down. Throws out several other pairs of shoes). Hiking boots. Running shoes. Ballet slippers. Fuzzy bunny slippers. Ew! A rotten apple core! What is that doing in here with all my shoes? And there’s the matching stocking that Alexandra was looking for last week. She followed the trail all the way into my bedroom and accused me of stealing it, but it was just lost in here all this time. Roller skates. Stilts. Clown shoes. Hmm, never wore those. I wonder why. Ah, my glass slippers. (Holds up glass slippers). Every princess needs a pair of glass slippers. And now, I really am ready to leave.
Katherine (speaking for Lord Snuggles): Wait! I’m not ready!
Katherine (looks at Lord Snuggles): What’s wrong?
Katherine: (speaking for Lord Snuggles): I need Lady Snuggles to come with me. How could I live without her?
Katherine: Silly me. Of course I couldn’t take you away without Lady Snuggles. Where is Lady Snuggles? (Bends down again, looks on the floor. Finds other Teddy Bear.) There she is! (Holds her out to Lord Snuggles. Makes kissing sound.) You two are the bestest match ever, aren’t you! Oh, I love finding people who belong together. If I only I could figure out what I’m supposed to do with my life, then maybe people would notice me!
Act Two
Scene One: On the road outside the castle
Wagoneer: Would you like to ride in the wagon, young lady?
Katherine: Oh, thank you so much. (Looks at Lord Snuggles.) You see? Things are changing already. That man noticed me and I didn’t even have to jump up and down and shout at him.
(Katherine falls asleep, then startles awake.)
Katherine: Where are we? That man forgot about me after all and now here I am in this barn with a bunch of stinky animals. I hate stinky animals. (Looks at Lord Snuggles). I didn’t mean you, Lord Snuggles. (Pinches his cheeks). Or Lady Snuggles, either.
(Stands up.)
Katherine: How do I get out of this place? I was supposed to be going to Serena. But I don’t even know where I am. (Bumps into horse.) Do you know where I am? (Pause.) Hey. You. Horse. I’m talking to you here. I’m Princess Katherine of Kitalia, you know. I’m not a nobody. You should answer me when I talk to you.
Horse: Neigh!
Katherine: Yes, you should! I’m a very important princess, you know. I’m the youngest one and I’m very cute. And also, my parents are probably looking for me right now. They probably noticed that I was gone right away, and the whole castle is out looking for me. I’ll bet everyone remembers my name now. And my sisters must be sick with worry. Except for Sophia. She’s probably just sick. But the others are already thinking of all the mean things they ever said to me. And wishing they could take them all back.
(Pretends that her sisters are standing around her.)
Katherine: I don’t know, Beatrice. The last time we talked you told me to go away
and leave you alone. So that’s what I
did. Why should I accept your apology
now. (Turns to one side). As for you, Alexandra. You are always accusing me of stealing stuff
and I was innocent all along. I think
you should have to write a royal proclamation saying that you are sorry and you
will never do it again. Mary, you will
have to let me win our next running race.
Sophia, I forgive you.
Haachoo. Bless you! And
(Quacking sound)
Katherine: What was that noise? Are there monsters here? Oh, it’s just that cute little duck. Come here, little duck. (Pets duck). You look like you’re lonely, too, little duck. But we can be together. What do you think of that?
(Quacking sound)
Katherine: I’m going to give you a name, so that people won’t forget who you are. What kind of a name do you want? Ducky? Quacky? I know. Quack-a-doodle-doo. That’s the perfect name for you. Such a soft, cuddly duck. You just want someone to take care of you, don’t you? Well, I don’t know if there’s room in my knapsack for you, too.
(Bleating sound)
Katherine (holding duck tightly): What’s that? A monster? Oh. (Puts duck down.) Sorry about that. It’s just that old goat over there. Oh, poor goat. It looks so lonely. (Walks toward goat). And it’s so soft and cuddly. Quack-a-doodle-doo, why don’t you come over here by the goat. I think I’ll call this goat—Beatrice. Yes, that’s the perfect name for you. You remind me of someone I know. But I like you better than her. You are nice to me. Wait a minute. (Steps away). What are you doing? Nudging me out of your stall? You don’t want me here now that you have Quack-a-doodle-doo, do you? Fine. That’s just fine. I didn’t want to stay in this smelly old barn anyway.
(Steps out of barn door. )
Katherine (stretches): It’s almost morning anyway. I can see the sun rising over there so that must be east. And that way (pointing) must be north. So I have to go north to get to Serena. And that’s where I’m going. Goodbye, Kitalia. I won’t miss you. And I suppose you won’t miss me, either.
(Katherine walks off stage)
Scene Three: Throne Room
Alexandra: Mother! Daddy! I went into Katherine’s room to find my stocking and Lord Snuggles is missing. Lady Snuggles, too. She will be so upset. Who could have taken Katherine’s favorite stuffed animals?
Queen Courtney: Oh, dear. Where is Katherine this morning? I didn’t see her at breakfast. Did anyone else see her at breakfast?
King Cooper: I didn’t see her, either. But she is usually so quiet that I hardly notice her. She could have been there.
Alexandra: Did any of us see her?
Beatrice: I thought she came in late and didn’t eat much. I think she was there, though. I could almost swear I saw her.
Sophia: Hachoo! (Wipes her nose on a handkerchief.) I don’t remember seeing her.
Mary: If she was there, then she didn’t eat anything. There were only seven bowls out for all of us.
Isabella: I told her to be quiet, and she was quiet for once. Or maybe she wasn’t here. I was busy singing.
Cait: I was reading my book all morning. I didn’t see her.
Rosepetal: I painted her, but it was from memory. (Holds up portrait). What do you think?
Alexandra: It’s fine, Rosepetal, but I’m worried about Katherine. If no one has seen her, then it’s not just Lord Snuggles and Lady Snuggles who are missing, then. It’s Katherine, too.
Queen Courtney: Where could she have gone to? Maybe she went out on a long morning walk.
Mary: Katherine doesn’t like morning walks. I’m the one who goes out in the morning to go running.
Alexandra: Someone has kidnapped my sister Katherine! Daddy! There is a kidnapper somewhere in the castle. We’ve got to find him. (Holds up her magnifying glass!) I’m going to look for clues.
King Cooper: Captain of the Guard! Captain of the Guard!
(Captain of the Guard marches on stage)
Captain: You called for me, Sire?
King Cooper: It appears that my daughter Katherine is missing. I want you to search the castle for her and bring her to me. If you can’t find her, then start searching outside the castle.
Captain: Yes, Sire. Immediately, Sire! The youngest princess. She must look like—(sees Princess Beatrice and bows to her). Princess Beatrice, it’s good to see you, Your Highness. Is everything well?
Beatrice: I’m very well, thank you, Captain. How are you doing? Did you sleep well last night?
King Cooper (roaring): I don’t care how he slept! I want my daughter back!
Captain (jumps): Yes, Sire. Yes, Sire. I’ll send for the royal eagle to find her. (Whistles)
(eagle flies in, cawing)
Captain: Do we have something with her smell on it?
Queen Courtney: Her tiara.
Captain (holds tiara next to eagle’s nose): Find her.
(Eagle flies away, cawing)
King Cooper: I don’t trust an eagle. I want you on the job, Captain.
Captain: Yes, Sire. Of course, Sire. If I can only get a description of her. Who can tell me what she looks like?
King Cooper: You don’t remember what the youngest princess looks like?
Captain (looking at the other princesses, naming them): Beatrice,
Alexandra,
King Cooper: I am sure that I am missing my own daughter. There are supposed to be ten princesses. But there are only nine.
Captain: Oh, yes. Ten. But I can’t remember what the tenth one looks like.
Queen Courtney: She looks a lot like Beatrice. And Alexandra and Elizabeth, really. And Mary and Sophia. And
Captain: Yes, but what makes her look different from them? I need to know so that the guards can look for her.
Alexandra: She has a mole on her right cheek and her left foot is larger than her right. She’s about this tall. And her name is Katherine.
Captain: Katherine, right. I’ll find her, if it’s the last thing I do. Excuse me, Princess Beatrice. I will return with your sister or my name’s not Captain Jack Ward.
(Captain leaves stage)
Beatrice (hand to her heart): Oh, that’s his name. Jack Ward. What a wonderful name.
Scene Three: Katherine’s Bedroom
Alexandra (Holding magnifying glass): I’m looking for more clues. Maybe I can find something that will tell me where Katherine has gone.
(Looks around the room, under bed, under chair, in closet).
Alexandra (calling to
Alexandra: Oh, really? What is it that princesses do, then?
Alexandra: Who get married and have more princes and princesses, forever. You’re starting to sound a lot like Beatrice, you know.
Alexandra (holding magnifying glass up to
Alexandra: Why not?
Alexandra: So you’d rather go around bumping into people and tripping over things? That doesn’t make any sense.
Alexandra: You’re going to sit on a throne for the rest of your life and not move, just because you don’t want to wear glasses? That’s stupid.
Alexandra: Well, I think princesses should be useful and find interesting things to do, as well as being princesses. And that’s why I’m a detective.
Alexandra (bends over, looking through the shoes): Well, for one thing, I can find out where Katherine has gone.
Alexandra (gestures to shoes): What’s missing here?
Alexandra: It’s the glass slippers. That’s the only pair of shoes that Katherine took with her.
Alexandra: You see! That’s it exactly.
Alexandra: She ran away with Lord and Lady Snuggles. If that were all we knew, she could be anywhere in the kingdom. She could be pretending to be a peasant girl or a clown (points at clown shoes) or an entertainer (points at roller skates). But she took her princess shoes. So that means she intends to be a princess.
Alexandra: But if anyone in Kitalia saw her wearing her princess shoes, they would send her back to the castle. So what does that tell you?
Alexandra (lifting a finger): It means that she went to Serena, of course. Because she can be a princess there without there being any other princesses. And that’s what I think that Katherine wants most of all. To be an only princess in a kingdom where there is only a prince.
Alexandra: She’s only twelve years old. I don’t think she wants to marry anyone. I think she just wants more attention. After all, with all ten of us around, she gets ignored a lot. In fact, I think I remember just before she disappeared last night, she was complaining about being ignored. As the youngest, no one notices her. They even forget her name because she’s so quiet.
Alexandra: Are you doubting my skills as a detective? I’m going to find her. Her and her glass slippers. I just need to go look in one other place for clues.
Scene Five: Kitchen
Cook (shouting): Where is the last loaf of bread? I counted them all and I know there should be one more. Where did you put it, boy?
Serving Boy: I gave it to the princess.
Cook: A likely story. You probably ate it yourself. Admit it! Boys your age are always eating.
Serving Boy: No! I didn’t eat it. I gave it to the princess.
Alexandra (holding magnifying glass and jumping into the kitchen with other hand outstretched): Ah ha! Another clue!
Cook: More princesses in the kitchen! You eat almost as much as boys.
Alexandra: More princesses? You mean you’ve seen another princess recently?
Cook: Yesterday. She came in here and tried to steal food to take on a picnic.
Alexandra: Which princess?
Cook (waves a hand): I don’t remember her name. She was about this tall. And she had a mole on her cheek.
Alexandra: Katherine! It has to be.
Alexandra: It means she intended to go on a long journey. To Serena, as I said before!
Alexandra: I don’t think she could get there this fast. But we’ll find her eventually.
Scene Six: Outside the Castle
Alexandra: Wait! I want to go with you to find Katherine.
Captain: That’s very thoughtful of you, Your Highness. But I’m afraid that’s impossible. There are too many unknown dangers to be faced. This is not a journey for princesses.
Alexandra: But Katherine is already on this journey, and she’s a princess and she’s younger than me. So why can’t I go with you?
Captain: Because your father would have my head, that’s why. And I happen to like my head. It’s been very useful to me.
Alexandra (talking to audience): Not as useful as it should be.
Captain: Why don’t you go back into the palace like a good girl?
Alexandra: Have you ever found a clue in your life? Do you have any idea where Katherine is right now or where she is going?
Captain (open-mouthed): Well, I, I suppose I don’t. I’ll just have to search the whole kingdom.
Alexandra: And how long will that take? Katherine will be an old woman by the time you find her. And you’ll be an even older man.
Captain: Do you have any suggestions, Your Highness?
Alexandra: As a matter of fact, I do. She’s on her way to Serena.
Captain: Now why would she go there?
Alexandra: Because she wants to be an only princess, that’s why, and Serena is the only kingdom around here without a princess.
Captain: But why would she want to leave Beatrice and your other lovely sisters?
Alexandra: Because she’s mad at us. We’re older and we get all the attention.
Captain: Well, Beatrice is certainly worth all that attention. Who can be in the same room with her and not stare at her beautiful face or listen to every word that comes from her lovely, lovely mouth?
Alexandra: Lovely, lovely mouth? Ew!
Captain (turning away): I don’t mean any disrespect, of course. Only that the Princess Beatrice is unrivaled in all the kingdoms. Prince Quinton is a very lucky prince. And if he doesn’t treat Princess Beatrice well, then he’ll have to answer to me.
Alexandra: Hmm. You like Beatrice, don’t you?
Captain: Of course not! I’m only a lowly captain of the guard. I would have no business showing any interest in the princess of the kingdom.
Alexandra: You know, she’s not married yet.
Captain: But she will be soon, and even if she felt anything for me, it would be impossible. I’m a captain of the guard and she is a princess. I would never let her stoop so low.
Alexandra: You know, I think I’ve seen Beatrice looking at you, too. You’re kind of handsome, and Beatrice has always preferred men who are the tall, dark and handsome type. And also quiet. Because you know, she likes to boss people around. I sometimes wonder if she should marry a prince at all. She needs someone who knows how to obey orders.
Captain: You don’t understand. That’s not the way it works for princesses.
Alexandra: Why are people always telling me about what princesses do as if I didn’t know? I’m the one who’s a princess. And I think I have a good idea of what princesses do and don’t do.
Captain: It’s time for me to go out searching for the missing princess and for you to return to the castle.
Alexandra (pointing a finger): Oh, look at that! It’s Beatrice. She’s coming down the steps toward you.
Captain (pulls his shirt down and runs a hand through his hair): Where? Where?
(Alexandra climbs into the carriage and hides.)
Captain: Where did she go? Back to the castle, I guess. And now it’s time for me to go. If I can’t show my feelings for Beatrice, at least I can return her sister to her. That’s my duty and a captain always does his duty.
Act Three
Scene One: Outside Barn
(Royal Eagle comes flying in, circling, cawing, drops tiara near the barn door).
Captain (from off stage): She must be close by here. The eagle is never wrong.
(Captain rides carriage on stage, where farmer is waiting.)
Captain: Ho there! You, Farmer! Have you seen a princess lately? About this tall and with a mole on her cheek. I’m trying to find her and bring her home to the king and queen. That’s my job. I’m the captain of the guard and I’m supposed to be guarding the princesses, all ten of them.
Farmer: I haven’t seen any princesses. But there was a young girl who snuck into my barn last night and did no end of mischief with my animals.
Captain: Oh, what kind of mischief?
Farmer: Cast a spell on my duck and goat.
Captain: Well, that can’t be the princess. Thank you for your time. I’ll be on my way.
Alexandra (climbing out of the carriage): Wait a minute! I want to see this crime scene. (Holds out her magnifying glass) Can you show me the barn and these two animals you mentioned?
Captain: What are you doing here, Princess Alexandra? You don’t belong out here in the countryside. You should be in the castle.
Alexandra: Someone else telling me what I’m supposed to do. I may be a princess, but I’m also a detective and that’s what I’m here for. To do some detecting. I told you where my sister was headed. I can tell you if she was here, too, as long as you let me see the barn.
Captain: Well, as long as you’re here, you might as well look at it. But as soon as you’re finished, I’m sending you straight home to the castle.
Alexandra: That would take far too much time. You might as well wait until we have Katherine again and then we’ll all go home together. Farmer, show me your duck and your goat.
Farmer (walking through barn doors): Here they are. Curled up together like two birds of a feather. Only one doesn’t have feathers at all.
Alexandra: They seem very happy together.
Farmer: Oh, they are. As long as you don’t try to take them away from each other.
Alexandra: Interesting. I think this is a clue about Katherine.
Captain: A clue? But what does it mean?
Alexandra: It means that Katherine was here.
Captain: I don’t see how you can know that.
Alexandra: You only say that because you’ve never spent much time noticing Katherine.
Captain: I’ve noticed that she’s never made friends with a duck and a goat before. Or cast any spells.
Alexandra: It’s not a spell. Haven’t you ever noticed how things end up in pairs when Katherine is around? Her stuffed animals? Always in pairs. And last year, she was the one who first said that you liked Beatrice. I remember that. No one paid any attention, but she was right. And the day before she left, I even saw her helping two mice get together. I bet they have a lovely mouse family now.
Captain: She noticed that I liked Beatrice? Did she say anything to the king? I’m mortified. I will never be able to return to the castle now.
Alexandra: You will if you bring my sister home with you. Let’s get going. (To the farmer): You saw her leaving this morning? Headed north, I suppose?
Farmer: Yes, she was headed north. Right on that road.
Alexandra: Let’s get back in the carriage. If we hurry, we can get to the castle in Serena by sundown.
Scene Two: Throne Room in Serena
Katherine (being pulled by two guards): Let me go! I told you, I’m a princess, not a thief! And I didn’t take those two dogs, anyway. I only unleashed them because they were both miserable. They needed to be together, to be free, to be a family!
King Frederick of Serena: If you are a princess, then what are you doing here, all by yourself, in that filthy gown?
Katherine: Well, I slept a night in a barn and then I had to cross a stream by myself, and that’s why I’m filthy.
King Frederick: And why are you by yourself?
Katherine: Because no one knew I was coming. I came secretly, because I knew you have no princesses in Serena and I thought I would offer to be your princess.
King Frederick: You mean, to marry our son? I’m afraid he is almost betrothed already. To the eldest princess Beatrice, of Kitalia.
Katherine: I know that! I’m not talking about marriage. I’m talking about being a princess. Your daughter. You could adopt me and then I could be the princess of Serena. And then everyone would be happy, my parents because they wouldn’t have to be trying to remember to pay some attention to me, the people of Kitalia because they wouldn’t have to try to remember my name all the time, and you, because you need a daughter.
King Frederick (turns to Queen): What do you think of this, my dear?
Queen Ariadnis: You’re saying that you are one of the princesses of Kitalia?
Katherine: I’m Princess Katherine, the youngest of the ten princesses. See these glass slippers? They prove I’m a princess.
Queen Ariadnis: You are Beatrice’s younger sister? The princess my son is to marry?
Katherine: That’s me. But I prefer it if people think of me as myself, and not just as a sister to someone else. I get really tired of that.
Queen Ariadnis: Well, you do look a little like the portraits of Beatrice that we have seen. The same eyes. The same hair.
Katherine: I do not look like Beatrice! I look like myself!
Quinton: Actually, I can’t see any resemblance at all. Are you sure she isn’t pretending to be someone she isn’t?
Katherine: Oh, I like you already!
Quinton: I don’t see why you would want to be a princess anyway. Princesses get told all the time what they can do and what they can’t do. And it’s the same with princes. I’m always having to think before I do anything. Is it proper for a prince to sneeze right now? Am I allowed to eat that food right now? Will I offend someone and cause a war if I sing that song right now?
Katherine: You sound like someone I know. It will come to me in just a minute. Let me think.
Quinton: And in addition to all of that, princes and princesses don’t even get to choose whom they marry. No one cares if they fall in love. It’s just about putting kingdoms together. Not that I have anything against your sister Beatrice, of course. If she is your sister.
King Frederick: Now, Quinton, we’ve talked about this already and you agreed to do your duty.
Quinton: I will do my duty, Father. But I didn’t say I would be happy about it.
Katherine: So, what do you really want to do with your life?
Quinton: I want to be a scientist. All my life, I’ve been intrigued by the puzzles of the world. How do things fit together? How do they work? There are clues everywhere, but people don’t ever bother to see them.
Katherine: Clues! I knew you reminded me of someone. You sound like my sister Alexandra.
Quinton: I sound like a princess? I doubt that very much.
Queen Ariadnis: Quinton, that is rude.
Katherine: But it’s true. Alexandra is always looking for clues and solving mysteries. She’ll see floury cat pawprints and she knows immediately which cat got into the flour. Or she will see what’s missing in the nursery and she’ll know from that who was the last person there.
Quinton: If you’re telling me the truth, she sounds—intriguing.
King Frederick: Quinton, there is no point to this. You are nearly betrothed, and what kind of an insult would it be to Kitalia if you rejected the eldest princess only because of a momentary interest in her younger sister? You could cause a new war between the two kingdoms.
Quinton: If only I could figure out how to solve this mystery.
Queen Ariadnis: And what are we to do about you, young princess? We cannot keep you here without informing your parents of your whereabouts. They must be sick with worry.
Katherine: I don’t know. They might not even have noticed I’m missing yet. I told you, no one noticed me at all there. That’s why I came here.
Queen Ariadnis: Well, you’re a lovely princess. We’re glad to have you. Even if it’s only temporarily.
King Frederick I will send a messenger immediately to Kitalia. Wait! There’s someone already here from Kitalia. Who could it be?
Scene Three: Throne Room
(Captain and Alexandra enter together)
Captain: I’m searching for the princess Katherine. Have you seen her?
Alexandra (with magnifying glass): I’m sure she’s here. Those are her glass slippers, right there. Katherine! (Runs to Katherine and hugs her). I knew we would find you here.
Katherine: Hello, Alexandra.
Alexandra: I’m so sorry that we ignored you. Please come back to the castle in Kitalia.
Katherine: Hmm. I’ll think about it.
Captain: I have my orders. You will come back with us immediately. Your parents and your sisters are distraught. What did you think you were doing?
Katherine: They’re distraught? Really?
Captain: Beatrice is the best princess in the world and look at how you’ve treated her!
Katherine: Look at how she’s treated me!
Captain: I won’t hear anything bad said about Princess Beatrice.
Katherine: Oh, really?
Alexandra (rolls her eyes): Really, Katherine. He is in love with Beatrice.
Queen Ariadnis: In love with Princess Beatrice? That’s impossible. She is to be betrothed to our son, Prince Quinton.
Quinton: Why should she get what she wants anymore than I do? We’re both duty-bound to be miserable together, aren’t we? Isn’t that what you want, Mother? Father?
Captain (Holds up hands): Oh, no. I have only the purest feelings for Princess Beatrice. She does not even known I exist. I’m only a captain of her father’s guard.
Alexandra: That’s not true. She likes him, too. But he said it doesn’t matter because she’s a princess.
Quinton: Maybe she should run away and not be a princess anymore. It seems like being a princess is ruining her only chance at happiness. And mine, too.
Katherine: It’s a lot easier with mice and dogs to get a happily-ever-after ending, you know. People are so much more stubborn. It’s almost like they don’t want to be happy.
Alexandra: You’ll be able to figure out how to get them all together, Katherine. I know you will. If I’ve learned one thing following your clues the past two days, it’s that you are a matchmaker. You do it better than anyone else. It’s like breathing to you.
Katherine: I never thought of it that way. Maybe you’re right.
Alexandra: I am right. You think we all ignore you, but the truth is, you’re always so busy thinking about who to put together with whom, you almost disappear. You’ve always been a matchmaker, Katherine. Think of all the people who have gotten married in the castle since you were born. At least twenty of them. And that’s not counting animals. Or stuffed animals.
Katherine: I always thought that was just something that happened. Doesn’t everyone see how people fit together and try to help them along?
Alexandra: No. Katherine, we need you back in Kitalia. You’re the most important of all the princesses because you are the one who makes sure that everyone ends up happy.
Katherine: I’m sorry, Queen and King of Serena. I think Alexandra is right. I’m going to go home to Kitalia, where I belong. And I’m going to do some matchmaking. (Rubs her hands together)
Captain: Not on me, you’re not.
King Frederick: We’ll see about that.
Quinton (looks shyly at Alexandra): Can I see your magnifying glass for a moment?
Alexandra (offers magnifying glass): Of course. It really helps with the details, you know. (Holds out magnifying glass and steps closer to Quinton.) I’d love to hear what you know about science.
Scene Four: Throne Room in Kitalia
(Eight princesses, Queen Courtney, King Cooper in place)
King Cooper: My dear, I’ve had word today that my brother, the King of Verona, is sending his two young daughters to visit.
Queen Courtney (claps her hands): Two more princesses.
(Maid enters)
Maid: Princess Camila and Princess Daniela, Your Majesties.
(Princess Camila and Princess Daniela enter, curtseying)
Camila: Uncle Cooper! (goes to him, embraces)
Daniela: Aunt Courtney! (goes to her, embraces)
Camila and Daniela: Cousins! (rush to the other princesses)
Beatrice: Oh, no!
Maid: I will take the new princesses and show them to their rooms.
(Maid and Princess Camila and Daniela exit)
Beatrice: Mother, you can’t be serious. More princesses?
Queen Courtney: Beatrice, they adore you.
Beatrice: Mother, they will follow me around everywhere.
Rosepetal: Can I teach them how to paint?
Cait: I want to read books to them. All my favorite stories from that age, I haven’t read them forever.
Isabella: I can teach them how to sing.
Mary: I can teach them how to run.
Sophia: I can teach them how to use a tissue politely. Hachoo!
Queen Courtney: Beatrice? What do you think?
Beatrice: Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea, if I don’t have to be in charge all the time.
Queen Courtney: Two new princesses, then.
King Cooper: We have to send them back, you know.
Beatrice: But not yet, Daddy!
Scene Five: Throne Room
Captain (entering Throne Room): I have found your daughter and have returned her.
Katherine: You aren’t returning me. I came back myself because I finally realized what it is I do best and where I belong. Which is right here, at home, with my parents and my sisters.
Captain: I also have brought Prince Quinton and the King Frederick and Queen Ariadnis of Serena.
King Frederick (Bows): Your Majesty.
King Cooper (Bows): Your Majesty.
Queen Ariadnis (Curtseys): Your Majesty.
Queen Coutney (Curtseys): Your Majesty.
Quinton (Bows to the princesses): Your Highnesses.
Nine Princesses (Curtsey to Quinton): Your Highness.
Beatrice: I was so worried.
Quinton: Why would you worry about me?
Beatrice: Not about you. About the captain. Did my sister take you into danger? I can’t believe she would be so calloused. She thought of no one but herself.
Captain: I am well, as you see, Princess Beatrice. Please do not concern yourself with me. You have far more important business at hand.
Alexandra: That means he thinks you should marry Prince Quinton even though you don’t love him and he doesn’t love you.
(Beatrice gasps)
Captain: Please, Your Majesties. Do not listen to such lies. I feel only respect for your daughter as a princess of Kitalia.
Beatrice: Really? That’s all you feel for me? I’m the same as any one of my sisters? Just another of the princesses of Kitalia?
Captain: No. That’s not what I meant. How could you think that of me? Of course, you are very special to me, Princess Beatrice. You are dear to my heart and I could not think of hurting you or causing you pain. I only meant—
Katherine: Let me handle this. He meant, Beatrice that he loves you, but he thinks you can’t love him because he’s not a prince. He’s just a captain of the guard.
Beatrice: But I don’t think any less of him because he’s not a prince. In fact, he does a lot more than most princes do. He doesn’t sit around in the castle all day reading books or thinking about sciency things. He actually gets out and does things to help other people.
Quinton: Hey! I do things to help other people with my science!
Captain: I know my place.
Beatrice: Your place should be at my side.
Captain: Of course. When my duty requires me to be at your side.
Katherine: Beatrice loves you, too, Captain. That’s why she has been putting off the betrothal to Prince Quinton all this time, saying she had to wait until her eighteenth birthday and then that she had to write letters to him, to find out about him. She’s been in love with you for months and months and she thought that you could never be interested in a princess because she’s too bossy. Everyone says she’s too bossy, you know. Because she’s the oldest.
Captain: Who says that? I will fight anyone who says such a thing about Princess Beatrice. She is not too bossy. She is just the right amount of bossy. I like her just the way she is. There would be no order in any kingdom if there weren’t some people who were bossy, and Beatrice is the best bossy princess I know.
King Frederick: Oh no!
King Cooper: This makes things very difficult.
Katherine: No, it doesn’t. It makes everything a lot easier. Don’t you see, Father? Beatrice is in love with the captain. And the captain is in love with Beatrice. They will make each other very happy.
King Frederick: But what about combining our two kingdoms so that we don’t have any more wars?
Katherine: That’s easy. Because Prince Quinton is in love with Princess Alexandra, and they are going to make each other very happy, too. They’re the perfect match.
(Alexandra and Quinton hold up the magnifying glass together.)
King Cooper: Well, I suppose there’s nothing wrong with Prince Quinton marrying Princess Alexandra. Then they can be king and queen.
Quinton: I don’t want to be king. I want to be a scientist. And I think I know what’s wrong with Princess Sophia. She’s got allergies. If she stays indoors in the spring, she won’t be sneezing and sick all the time.
Sophia: Really? Thank you so much!
Alexandra: And I want to be a detective. Not a queen. I can solve lots of crimes. Like, for example, I can tell you who took the extra piece of cake from the cook. (She points at Mary).
Mary: I can’t help it. I’m always hungry from running so much.
Alexandra: And I can tell you who keeps taking all your good quills and inkwells, Daddy. (Points at Cait).
Cait: Well, I want to write books, as well as read them.
Alexandra: And I can tell you who is wearing out everyone
else’s dancing slippers. (Points at
King Cooper: I can see how useful a royal detective would be.
Alexandra: Isabella is the one who is always taking all of the honey from the royal beekeeper. I don’t know why, though.
Isabella: I mix it into hot water and gargle with it. It’s good for my voice. (She gargles).
Alexandra: As for Rosepetal, she is the one who is always grooming the horses and the dogs so that the stablemaster and kennelmaster are starting to wonder if there is some magic going on.
Rosepetal: I need the hair for my paintbrushes. Real animal fur paintbrushes are so much better than anything else. They are much more flexible and the paintings are more subtle. You should see the difference.
Alexandra: Another time, maybe, Rosepetal.
King Frederick: But what will we do? Who will rule Kitalia and Serena after we are gone?
Katherine: I know. You can make me Queen of Kitalia and Serena and I will make sure that everyone lives happily ever after.
Everyone (claps, shouts, cheers): Hurray for Queen Katherine of Kitalia and Serena!
Katherine: Just one last thing. I see a boy running outside, Mary. I think he wants to race against you. What do you think?
Mary: Oh, I’ve seen him before. He’s always hanging around during my races. I wonder why.
Katherine: I don’t wonder why, Mary. I know why. (Looks at audience.) I’m the matchmaker.
END