I was born ninth of eleven children, when my mother was forty years old. I often felt like we were more than two generations removed. She didn’t give advice often, but this was what she had to say about fashion:
1. Never wear blue and green together.2. Don’t wear white shoes until Memorial Day and not after Labor Day.
3. Always wear lipstick to church.
4. Everything coordinates with red.
5. If it has wear left in it, it stays in your closet.
6. If it’s cheap, it’s a good deal.
7. Never wear white pants.
On the other hand, maybe her other advice is more enduring:
1. When your husband moves, go with him.2. When your baby cries, don’t go immediately to pick her up.
3. There’s always room on the wall for another family photo.
4. Sleep when you can.
5. A little cream never hurt anyone.
6. A good book is the best dessert.
7. Always keep some candy in your purse.
8. Walking around the block a few times keeps anyone fit.
9. If the garbage needs to be taken out, take it out yourself.
10. Keep serving the leftovers until they’re gone.
11. Never get sick.
12. Keep your hands busy.
13. Don’t be in a hurry to get married.
14. Just because it’s new and improved doesn’t mean it’s better.
15. Go barefoot.
I hope my advice is as good—and as amusing, twenty years later—to my kids.
This essay was published in APPLE PIES AND PROMISES: Motherhood in the Real World,
Edited by Linda Hoffman Kimball, published by Cedar Fort, Inc in 2005.
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